The Life Insanity With Thaddeus S Venture
by carrotflowers
Summary: Venture gets an intern, Hank falls in love, Brock is defeated, and H.E.L.P.eR makes waffles. rated T for now, but later it'll probably be M for future Danger Stuff. Please read and review!
1. Orpheus' Request

Disclaimer: don't own the venture brothers, please don't sue...

A/n: I was watching Life Aquatic this morning and I realized Zissou reminds me a lot of Dr. Venture ("I'm going to blow up the shark that killed my best friend" "and what is the scientific purpose of this?" "Revenge"). The part with Zissou and Ned after they rescue Hennessey pretty much hits home too ("Ned , I'm sorry I ignored your existence for half your life. It'll never happen again."). And then those poor interns being kidnapped by pirates... It made we wonder what old Rusty would be like with an intern and then this sort of formed into this other idea that's some what similar...Yes, that concludes my thought pattern. Anyway this is the first fic I've written in a very long time so please be gentle...

"The Life Insanity with Thaddeus S. Venture."

Chapter one: "Orpheus' request."

It wasn't quite amoral. I mean, it was just an orphan and orphans really don't have much hope in life anyway, right? Thought Venture as he began tweaking an invention that had recently been gathering dust in the corner. The thing hadn't been used in ages, not since Brock and the boys had been trapped inside. But this time would be different: it would work. Venture would finally out shine his brother and live up to the family name. But more importantly he'd make money. Lots of it. Because, let's face it, reality blows and who wouldn't want to live out their deepest desire for the small price of a few orphan pancreas?

"Doc," came Brock's voice from the doorway, "Hey, Doc, H.e.l.p.eR has breakfast ready!"

"Fine, I'll be there in a -- ." as Venture tried to lift up he banged his head against a metal beam, "Fuck, stupid orphans."

"Dean, come on!" yelled Hank as the two brothers sped down the hallway towards the kitchen.

"Slow down, Hank, I can't run that fast! Haaank!" whined Dean a few yards behind.

Hank stopped suddenly in the kitchen causing his brother to slam into him and fall to the ground.

"Haaaank, why'd you shove me?" Dean moaned.

"Ah, knock it off captain wussy pants."

"Hank, don't call your brother wussy pants, it's not nice." Brock had already made it to the table and sat smoking his fifth cigarette for the morning. As of last week he handed the job of cooking breakfast over to H.E.L.P.eR who was more than pleased to be back in the kitchen. He had won the chore back from Brock after a cooking competition the two had one night after Hank bet H.E.L.P.eR could make a cheese omelet faster; by god he was right and Brock was a little jealous. Sure humans can feel love and what not, but damn it, robots just made better waffles. It was a brutal defeat for Brock Samson and just made it that much harder to swallow his orange juice in the morning.

Hank took a seat at the table and finally noticed something out of the corner of his eye, "Hey, Dr. O." he greeted.

"**Good morning Brothers Venture**," Orpheus returned the greeting and sipped his tea H.E.L.P.eR had specially made for him.

"Gee, Dr. O, what are you doing here so early?" asked Dean.

"I have business to discuss with your father," Orpheus took another sip of tea, "**It seems my niece has been seduced by science.** She was wondering if I could get her an internship with Dr. Venture. She seemed ecstatic that I rented my apartment from him."

"Are you sure she didn't mean--?" Brock began, but was cut off by Hank.

"Your niece?"

"Is she like Triana?" asked Dean

"Does she have super cool goggles like that one chick?"

"Is she a necrophiliac too?"

"Does she like batman?"

"Um, yes, I suppose, I'm not sure, it's necromancer, Dean, and possibly." answered Orpheus impressively, "She's studying Marine Biology."

"Doc, doesn't really work in --."

"Ah, Orpheus, you know rent isn't due until next week." Venture had just walked into the room with a large bump on his head, "decided to bring it by early I hope?" he smiled and nudged Orpheus.

"No." Orpheus answered simply.

Venture slouched as his smile faded and his eyes narrowed, "Then what do you want?"

"My niece is looking for an internship and I promised her I could get her one with you."

"Intern?"

"Well.."

"No!" Venture sat down next to Dean, "I don't need some know-it-all college neo-hippie clouding my space and interfering with my work. Besides female interns only want one thing."

"I doubt you'll have trouble with that one, doc."

"Oh, come on! What intern wouldn't want a piece of old Rusty, boy adventurer?"

"I am still sitting here, you do realize that?" interjected Orpheus.

"Well, either way, the answer is still no," Venture crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.

"Ah, come on, pop!" protested Dean and then he stated dreamily, "She's like Triana!"

"And she could possibly like batman!" added Hank.

Venture sighed heavily, "Dean, this girl is going to be far too old for you and Hank, liking batman really doesn't qualify you for anything."

"It does if your batman." mumbled Hank his arms folded and his lips pouty.

"Listen, Doc, it couldn't be that bad, I mean it is free labor we're talkin' here." said Brock.

Venture scratched his chin and twirled his goatee around his index finger, "free labor, hmm? Well, that kind of changes things..."

"So she can come?" asked Hank excitedly.

"Well, suppose I could use an extra pair of hands around the lab." smiled Venture

"I hope you aren't implying anything sexual it that comment." beamed Orpheus.

"No! God, is that all you people think about?" yelled Venture.

"Well, fine, it's settled, then. **I shall drop her off at seven!"**

"Better make it nine." said Venture.

"Righty-o! **Farewell, Venture family!"** Orpheus began to glide out of the kitchen and towards the back door, "Oh, and thank you, H.E.L.P.eR, the tea was divine."

H.E.L.P.eR beeped a few thanks yous as Orpheus made his way back to his section of the compound.

As soon as Orpheus was out of sight Venture stared back at Brock his glasses on the tip of his nose, "You have to admit, super science does attract the ladies."

Brock sighed as he stood up from the table a cigarette still in his mouth, "Whatever you say, doc."

"Come on, admit it!" cried Venture. He looked towards his sons, "Science is cool, right?"

"Sure as gravy!"

"You betcha, pop!

Venture looked back at his bodyguard, "See?"

"Yeah, that's coming from kids in a kerchief and sweater vest, doc."

Venture exhaled. He turned in his chair and peered over at the robot cleaning up the dishes, "H.E.L.P.eR, old buddy, you think I'm still hip, right?

Helper beeped and bopped a few times and shrugged.

"oww..." Venture sunk in his seat and stared down at his soggy waffles.


	2. Let me tell you about my lab

Chapter two: "Let me tell you about my lab."

It was nearing nine and Venture was just beginning to work on his latest re-invention. It was coming close to perfection, he could feel it or maybe that was just the beef casserole he ate for dinner last night, he really couldn't tell now. It was particularly quiet this morning; something very rare. It was always a nice surprise when the boys could keep themselves busy and Brock wasn't fighting off any wannabe super villains. It was almost too calm today and it was starting to make Venture get that feeling way down deep: the longing for even the slightest bit of attention. Why hadn't the Monarch dropped into today? It's been at least a few weeks. He never remembered his father ever having days like this.

"Uncle Byron, I really can't thank you enough," began Shirley, " I mean since everyone's pretty much disowned me in the family and all."

"No need to thank me, dear, just promise me this," Orpheus turned to stare at his niece, **"Swear to me you won't create the same atrocities as Dr. Venture. Promise me you will learn from his mistakes and never place the Orpheus family name to shame!"**

"Uncle Byron --."

**"Promise me!"**

"Alright, I promise, but --."

**"Swear to me!"** Orpheus pulled out a large book from beneath his cloak, **"Swear on the sacred text!"**

Shirley looked down at the book, the twisted face on the cover snipping at her fingers, "Uh."

Orpheus sighed as he placed the book back inside his cloak, "Fine, **I'll settle for a pinky swear!"** He held out his smallest finger and exchanged a shake with Shirley's.

"There now, that wasn't so hard." smiled Orpheus.

"Really though, Dr. Venture has done wonders for the scientific community." explained Shirley.

Orpheus smiled patronizingly and patted his niece's head, "yes, of course he has."

"What's wrong with you?" snapped Shirley, " Why is it so terrible that I'm doing something different with my li--."

The two had made it to the front door where Brock Sampson sat waiting for them. His gigantic body seemed to cast a shadow over them as he rose to his feet. He nodded to Orpheus and glanced at Shirley. He didn't need to say anything for the two to know they should to follow him. He led them through the living room, a few hallways and then finally Venture's lab. Brock opened the door and allowed the two inside than proceeded to close it behind them. He had no need to accompany them; Orpheus had already proven himself trustworthy.

**"Good morning, Dr. Venture!"** Orpheus' overly dramatic voice rang out through the entire lab. Venture began to stand up, but found himself hitting his head on the same metal beam as he had the other morning. He began cussing to himself loudly as Orpheus and Shirley stood a good distance away.

"You see?" murmured Orpheus.

"Are you sure that's Venture?" asked Shirley.

"He's only my land lord."

"He's much taller in person and...balder,"Shirley whispered softly, "That really is Jonas Venture Jr?"

"Jonas Venture?" Orpheus looked puzzled, "Oh..oopsy!"

"Oh, god," Shirley sulked, "You don't mean that's --."

"Dr. Thaddeus S. Venture and you are?" he held out a hand to Shirley.

"This is Shirley Orpheus, the shame to the family."

"How delightful. Looks like we have something common," Venture said bitterly.

"I only kid,"smiled Orpheus, "you see being that my whole family practices in the art of magic, well..."

"Science is shameful to your kind, I know." Venture rolled his eyes then turned his attention to Shirley, "Well, you look like an Orpheus, but what's with the name? Shirley?"

"It's short for --"

Orpheus cut her off, "**Something that you, dear venture, could never even begin to pronounce. A name in such length that the very passage of time itself could not even break through it's indigenous crown!"**

"Could you make less sense?" asked Venture.

**"Free your mind, Dr. Venture and open your thoughts to the whimsy of the soul!,"** Orpheus began to leave the room, "I'll leave you two scientists alone now."

"Yes, we'll just be playing with our little chemistry set while your gone. Don't worry about us." Venture exclaimed sarcastically. He turned back to Shirley and looked her over one eye narrowed and the other bulging out slightly. Scratching his chin he took note of her attire; hardly the garments of a scientist!

"You can't tell you me you plan to work in that?" said Venture disapprovingly.

"I don't wear pants, besides the Scots made fine without them."

"Well we're not battling off Rome here! We're inventing." explained Venture. He knew it, he knew he was going to get some hussy of an intern.

"It's almost to my knees. I'm even wearing boxers underneath," Shirley lifted up her skirt to

demonstrate, " you won't see anything."

Venture shielded his eyes to keep from looking at Shirley's pacman patterned boxers,"Fine, fine, but don't come crying to me when the noble peace prize goes to a woman in pants," Venture motioned for Shirley to follow him before she could retort, "let me show you my lab."

Venture showed her everything in his lab excluding the ultimate failures which meant, Shirley really didn't see much. Venture made sure she only saw the select inventions that only needed "a bit of tweaking." He passed by the room full of the boy's clones with no intention of sharing this secret to another outsider. He did however show off a bit of his work with reanimation at which point Shirley asked, "Sooo, you're like a mad scientist, right?"

"What? No, this is super science! And I'll have you know I'm well respected in my field!"

Shirley wanted to ask by who exactly, but thought better of it seeing as this was only her first day. Then again she really didn't care if Venture did decide to call it all off. She never wanted to be an intern for him in the first place. The name Thaddeus Venture on any resume would set anyone back. Shirley had heard all about him from one of her professors. He told her Venture's father had really done a number on little Rusty. He said the man was nothing more than a pill popper these days; could barely raise two boys much less accomplish anything in the field of science. Shirley could rightly say it was depressing. The whole compound reeked of failure and the loss of days gone by. The past was rotting away in this place and Venture was just sitting back and letting it happen. Although Shirley could sympathize in some sense with the man; Valium was pretty tasty and quite a quick fix to _dem blues._

"...And this is what I'm currently perfecting!" Venture outstretched his arms to point to a large metal cylinder with a few lights and buttons and a large door in front, "Before you say anything let me ask you this, "What would you say if I told you it was possible for you live out your deepest and utter most fantasy through this machine?"

"What is it made out of?" asked Shirley staring up at one the lights blinking an eerie red.

"Uhhh...well what does it look like?"

Shirley shrugged as she began walking around the other side to examine the rest of the colossal structure.

"You don't need to see all of it now, it's unfinished!" Venture managed to drag Shirley away from where he was harvesting the orphan's organs.

"Then what am I going to be working on?" Shirley asked as she tried to keep from tripping over an overturned box of tools.

"Ah, yes! Well," Venture paused, he hadn't thought of that. What do interns do? Suddenly he heard the beeping and bopping of H.E.L.P.eR behind him, "Ah, H.E.L.P.eR, this is my new intern Shirley. She'll be tuning you up today!"

"Uh, I really don't know anything about robotics, Dr. Venture--."

"Nonsense, you'll do fine!" assured Venture leading Shirley away with the confused robot, "Oh and here, you'll need this," Venture handed her a wrench and flat head screw driver, "Now go on and do what ever it is you interns do..."

Shirley stared down at the tools in her hands and then to H.E.L.P.eR, " I apologize a head of time." she said.

H.E..L.P.eR beeped a few times and waved his hand as if to say, "don't be so modest."

Shirley sighed and opened the little door into H.E.L.P.eR's chest. She started with one bolt, tighten it slowly then when nothing seemed to happen she began to work on other parts with more confidence.

It wasn't so bad really. It was actually kind of easy. She couldn't understand why Professor Sorayama made this out to be so difficult. Why H.E.L.P.e.R was coming right along and--

A few sparks lit up in helper's chest and then a stream of electricity surged up his spine causing the robot to scream in loud mechanical beeps and bops. H.E.L.P.eR flailed his arms about begging for the pain to stop.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, helper, I'm sorry!" cried Shirley, "Oh, what do I do, what do I do?"

H.E.L.P.eR continued to spaz out and spin in circles as Shirley frantically tried to calm him down. She chased him around begging him stop. She promised she'd figure it out and fix it, he just needed to settle down.

"Oh, god, what now." Venture turned around from his work his hands on his hips. Shirley was running after his finest robot with a screw driver yelling incoherently. Venture watched as she finally gave up and threw down her tools panting trying to catch her breath.

"Excuse me? Do you mind telling me what you've done to my robot?" asked Venture angrily.

"I'm—a—biologist—I—don't—do—robots." Shirley panted.

"oh, then what pray tell do you do? Hmm?"

"Living...organisms..." with that Shirley collapsed to the ground.

Venture looked over at H.E.L.P.eR, "look what you've done helper, that was my only intern. God knows when I'll get another one," Venture glanced back down at Shirley her plaid skirt raised up just enough to see a few bat symbols, "go get me a bucket of water, helper."

Later all Shirley could remember was that warm liquid pouring over her, the sound of it splashing against the floor.

"No! H.E.L.P.eR, that wasn't water!' yelled Venture, "Bad robot! We don't pour those things on interns! She hasn't even signed the waver yet."

Shirley opened her eyes slowly to see Venture scolding his robot his finger shaking furiously and his back arched wearily, "H.E.L.P.eR, I don't care what she touched! You don't mix those things together!"

Shirley sat up the best she could feeling bit of tingling feeling around her scalp and eyes. She coughed a bit causing Venture to stop cursing the robot and look down at her. H.E.L.P.eR crossed his arms and rolled away beeping a few things as he went.

"Oh, glad your awake, Shirley. Hope you had a nice little nap time," Venture mocked before he began to go back to work, "oh and H.E.L.P.eR poured some acids on you, you might want to shower off."


	3. We call them henchmen out here

Chapter three: "We call them Henchmen out here!"

For the next week everything seemed to go the same minus the acid. Venture would assign Shirley a project she knew nothing about then proceed to nag when she failed. Shirley began to suspect that this was Venture's way of making himself less helpless or at least feeling less so. Perhaps the pain killers were wearing thin and he needed to pick on college kids (of course then, Shirley thought, he'd be teaching).

Shirley took her time tightening up a bolt on Venture's walking eye. The thing really creeped her out and when she tried to ask what it did Venture only replied, "Hello? Walking eye!" She wasn't too excited either when Venture assigned H.E.L.P.e.R to watch her this time in case she "blew something up" as he put it. The robot still acted stand offish to Shirley and looked disapprovingly when ever she reached for a new bolt or wire.

"All right which one would you choose then?" asked Shirley.

H.E.L.P.eR pointed to a pink wire on the far left. Shirley took it out of it's socket and put it in another. With a burst of smoke Shirley felt her body absorbing a bolt of electricity. When it finally ceased she tried to smooth out her short black hair as best she could, but it managed to still stick up in a few places.

"Are we even now?" she asked the robot. Shirley looked over her shoulder to make sure Venture hadn't seen her recent mistake before she started fiddling with a few tangled wires.

H.E.L.P.e.R made a few sounds that indicated, "No, not hardly."

"Brock!" Venture called into his two-way-wrist-communicator, "Brock! Come in Brock!"

Shirley could faintly hear Brock's voice respond back, "Yeah, doc, I know I'm taking care of it."

"Well, hurry up, I'm starving and dinner won't cook itself." ordered Venture. He turned to see Shirley staring at him and raised an eyebrow, "Henchmen." he explained pointing outside the window. Shirley followed the direction of his finger to see two men dressed as butterflies running around in circles screaming for mercy. The chubbier of the two stopped for a breath, but when he saw Brock come around the corner he continued his mass hysteria.

"Does this happen much?" asked Shirley mesmerized by the three men weaving in and out of trees and bushes.

"All the time, trust me, you get used to it after awhile." Venture had gone back to working on the strange machine he had shown Shirley her first day. He didn't seem to realize Shirley was still gazing out the window in awe at the scene before her; it must have been nice having an arch nemesis. Some one who cared so much about you and your every move. Shirley sighed dreamily to herself holding her wrench against her chest.

There was a loud bang and the rush of footsteps against the floor in the lab. The door had just been swung open by Hank and Dean and the two boys ran up to Venture grins across their faces.

"Hey, pop!" Greeted Dean.

"You shoulda seen it, pop, Brock was totally outnumbered by the monarch's guys and then he just pulls this tree branch outta this tree and puts it through this dude's--."

"Hank! Please, I'm working!" Venture didn't bother looking up at the two enthusiastic teenagers.

"Hey!" Dean seemed to ignore his father's request, "Who's that?" He pointed to Shirley who had finally gone back to work on the walking eye.

"Oh, that? That's just my intern, Shirley." replied Venture.

"Golly.." said Hank as he noticed her batman boxers poking out from under her skirt. He smiled to himself then puffed out his chest and walked over to her in the most manly way he knew how.

"Hello, there, ma'am. Could I perhaps assist you in this...walking eye?"

Shirley looked up at Hank and giggled a bit to herself at his absorb behavior, but none the less she knew she needed help and a certain robot wasn't in the mood to provide any.

"Sure, you can help me untangle these wires." Shirley handed Hank a large mass that she was having trouble with.

"Righty-o!" Hank saluted her, but then realized the childishness of what he had done, "I mean, of course. This shouldn't be anything these guns can't handle." With that Hank attacked the heap in front of him, but found himself making a bigger mess. It wasn't long before he was tangled up in the wires himself to the point where he couldn't get loose. Shirley noticed his dilemma and bent down to untie him. Hank felt an immense sense of embarrassment well up in his stomach. He guessed that's how

Dean felt around Triana.

"Whoa, those guys are in a deep sleep!" announced Dean, "I think that was the last one. Oh, except for those other two guys. Why is it that they always get away? Oh! Brock's coming back inside! That means dinners' almost ready!"

"Hey, you should stay for dinner!" said Hank as Shirley continued to untie him, "Brock's making lasagna!"

Shirley smiled down at Hank, but didn't bother to respond. Honestly she didn't want to spend any more time here than was necessary.

"oh, great idea, Hank, have her stay for dinner, like we don't have enough mouths to feed around here already!"

"It's alright, I don't have to --." Shirley tried to explain, but Venture wasn't finished.

"No, no, it's fine I'll just have to start buying generic pop tarts again..."

"Haaaaankkkk!" Dean began to whine at the idea of having to eat "eject-o- tarts."

"Ah, come on guys!" protested Hank, "It'll be swell!"

"Doc, come in, Doc!" Venture looked down at his communicator to see Brock spatula in hand, "Dinner's ready."

Venture turned to Dean who had since started to try his hand at balancing a test tube on his head, "Well, you heard the man."

Dean straightened up causing the test tube to crash to the floor, "Yes, sir!" he saluted before rushing out the door.

Hank wiggled around a bit on the floor and managed to stand up even though Shirley hadn't finished untangling him. After tripping a few times he made it to the door and passed up Dean on his way to the kitchen.

"Well, are you coming or not?" asked Venture hovering over Shirley.

Shirley stared up wide eyed unable to speak. She was positive Venture didn't want her stay, and she preferred to leave herself.

Venture sighed heavily, "I'll meet you in the kitchen." He walked away his feet dragging and his back arched as always. Shirley was stunned for a second. As the lights shut off in the lab, she decided she'd take up on the offer. It beat another night of Ramon noodles and apple juice.

Brock had already started dishing out first helpings to each of the five place settings. Hank had informed him ahead of time that Shirley was staying for dinner. H.E.L.P.e.R made a bit of a fuss about the whole matter, but Brock reminded him that robots don't eat anyway so he didn't have to stick around.

Hank had pushed Dean out his usually seat to make room for their guest. He made sure Dean sat a good two seats away on both sides from where she would be sitting. This displaced nearly everyone at the table. Dean sat a seat away from Hank on his right side and Brock was now across from Venture while Venture was now in between both Dean and Shirley.

"Does this mean we have to get eject-o-tarts again?" asked Dean as he sat sulking and playing with his vegetables.

"No, Dean, as long as she doesn't ask for a refill of milk we're fine." Venture didn't seem to mind the fact Shirley was sitting right beside him and could hear every word he said.

It was silent for a while except for the clang of plates and forks hitting one another. Shirley's eyes remained downward afraid any slight movement would set Venture off again. She wanted something to say or do. She wanted an excuse to leave.

"So, you like Batman?" asked Hank suddenly.

"Of course," Shirley smiled happily, "here, look." Shirley shifted in her chair so that her back was to Hank. She lifted up the back of her shirt just enough to reveal a small black version of the batman symbol tattooed along the lower middle of her back.

"Golly..." Hank was in awe, "I gotta get me some of that!"

"Hank!" yelled Venture, "Don't say that!"

"I meant ink, pop." explained Hank.

"Great, now your corrupting my children. Are you happy now?" cried Venture flailing his arms about at Shirley, "Now the boy wants to taint his skin with poison! I hope your happy!"

"Gee, pop..." butted in Dean, "it doesn't seem so bad to me."

"That stuff's permanent, Dean." added Venture.

Hank shrugged, "When am I not gonna like batman?"

"Hank," Venture held his head on the tips of his fingers, "Please..."

"I'm sorry," Shirley said still smiling a bit at the ruckus she had just made, "Really, I am."

Venture sighed, "Just take your lasagna and go."

Shirley looked around the table at the others, but no one moved or offered to back her up. She didn't bother to take her lasunga or milk or for that matter her purse. She just got up and left the silence lingering behind her. As she closed the kitchen door she heard Brock behind her, "Listen, Doc, I know she isn't your typical--."

"She's an Orpheus! I should have known! I should have seen this coming!" cried Venture.

H.E.L.P.eR decided to assist Brock in cleaning up the dishes that night. Dinner wasn't part of his chores, but he figured it was better than listening to Venture complain about his failed attempt at training a decent intern. Since Shirley had left he had been ranting to anyone who would listen or really anyone who was around.

"She's crazy! She doesn't know anything about robot--."

"Doc, she's not in the field of --."

"Some scientist! Who wears a skirt and an Evil Dead t-shirt to work in? It's unprofessional at best. I mean come on who dresses like that?" asked Venture.

"So, pink jump suits are preferred then?" asked Brock who had just finished putting up the last of the cups.

"SPEED SUIT! And it's salmon colored. And yes they are preferred." explained Venture arms crossed.

Brock sighed to himself, "What ever you say, doc."

"And do you know what she--," Venture stopped noticing something under the table, "Hello, what's this?" He bent down and grabbed what looked like a large red mess of fabric laying under one of the chairs. He held it up examining it and realized Shirley must have left it behind.

Venture shrugged, "I'll give it to her tomorrow." he said tossing it on the table. The purse landed with a clunk and a large array of rattling noises. Venture turned back around and raised an eyebrow. He lifted up Shirley's purse again and opened it slowly, "Holy crap!" he cried throwing it back down on the table. After catching his breath he managed to open it again and peered inside; it was a gold mine.

a/n: this is it so far. I have the intension to write more (I already know where it's going), but for now this is all I could crank out. I wanted to submit something first and see if it's worth continuing. It's been far too long since I've written a fan fic so I apologize if this sucks or for any misspellings and what not.


	4. Joy Can

a/n: I went ahead and posted two more chapters since I already finished them. Please review!

Chapter four: "Joy Can."

Venture pulled back from the contents of the bag his face swelling in ecstasy. Blue, green, yellow, white, blueish-gray, green-gray and every color in between filled those pill bottles to the top of their child-proof safety seals. Venture's lips trembled at the sight of their medicating glory. He couldn't even begin to count the number of bottles he saw lying there just praying to be abused.

"My god," he sobbed falling to his knees, "I have found paradise and her name is Shirley!"

"Doc, you okay?" asked Brock turning around from untying his apron.

Venture sat clutching the purse to his chest and chuckling to himself, "I've never been happier in all my life."

"Doc--." Brock began but noticed what Venture was cuddling, "Is that Shirley's purse?"

"Who cares! It's mine now!" Venture began rocking back and forth with glee at his latest discovery.

"Doc, what's gotten into you?"

"Shirley's little helpers, that's what." replied Venture.

"Doc, those are her prescriptions. I'm sure she needs--." Brock began to advance towards Venture, but the scientist scrambled away.

"Oh, no! This is her loss! Finder's keepers, Brock! She's got stuff in here I've never been able to

bribe a doctor for!"

"Doc--."

"No! Stay back, Samson, this is mine! This is all mine!"

"Doc--." Brock grabbed the bag in an effort to pull it away from Venture, but the doctor had a good grip despite his smaller stature.

"Let go!" yelled Venture.

"No!" Brock growled before a poor excuse for a punch landed on his cheek. The two men froze staring at one another with opposite expressions. Brock's eyes twitched with fury. There was an odd kind of confusion in his gaze that petrified Venture.

"Domestic violence!" shrieked Dean who was standing in the door way and witnessed what his father had done. Waving his arms over his head, Dean fled the room screaming in terror.

"Now you got the boy all worked up," Brock straightened up and looked down to Venture who sat helplessly on the floor the purse in his lap, "Give it back to her tomorrow." Brock ordered before walking out of the kitchen with an unlit cigarette between his fingers.

Venture sighed heavily, "Fine." When he noticed Brock was gone he smiled deviously to himself, "Of course I don't have to give them all back."

* * *

"There are pills missing," exclaimed Shirley peering into her purse, "Why'd you even look in here?"

"Come on! How can you even tell just from looking in there?" asked Venture.

"Most of these bottles are half empty. And look! This one's been refilled with Tic-Tacs! And – Oh, come on! Good and Plenty?"

Venture laughed nervously, "How did that happen, I wonder?"

"I think I know, professor Sorayama told me all about you."

"Mike Sorayama? What the hell! The man's a fucking stalker! Do you know he created robots in the likeness of some whore he knew in college?" cried Venture.

"Well, he doesn't steal pain killers from his students."

Venture rolled his eyes, "What are you doing with this shit anyway? Your like twenty or something. You have plenty of time left to fail at life before you'll need these."

"I"m tripolar." explained Shirley staring back down at her purse.

"Oh, please! Who'd you get to believe that crap! Tried that one myself a few times in Mexico; never got me anywhere."

"You have to go to Canada."

"Typical."

It went silent until Shirley looked up sheepishly, "You know if you wanted some you could have just asked. I mean, I don't really need any of it, but--."

"Yes, I know, the power is just too alluring." smiled Venture, "What I don't get is how it managed to not show up in your urine sample."

"I bribed my cousin to give me a bit of hers." confessed Shirley.

"Smart girl."

Shirley blushed a bit, but then remembered who had actually given her the complement. She bit her lip in an act to play off the humble reaction to Venture's praise, but it only resorted into an awkward action.

A loud crack echoed behind her and Shirley could hear the all too familiar sound of the Venture brothers' feet pounding against the surface of the lab's minoleum floor.

"Did ya really finish it, pop?" Hank asked excitedly.

Venture straightened up proudly, "Yes, boys, your father has proven himself worthy of the scientific community once again!"

"Wait, you finished the joy can?" asked Shirley.

"Yes, the invention your uncle so mercilessly destroyed about a year ago." explained Venture, "but all that's in the past --."

"Pop, I don't like the sound of this." Hank said scratching his shoulder.

"Yeah, Brock and us got stuck in that thing and then all that--," Dean's voice became a whisper, "bad stuff happened."

Venture waved his hand to dismiss the matter, "it's perfectly safe now, besides I'm going to be testing it this time."

"All alone?"

"Gee, pop..."

"No! Are you crazy?"yelled Venture, "I'm not going into that death trap alone! Shirley's coming along."

"What?" cried Shirley, "you don't expect me to--."

"You know when I was half your age all I did was test out my father's inventions! Besides, I'll need you to revive me if I black out on all that Demorectomine I took last night. That stuff's pretty wicked on the lateral sulcus."

"How much did you take?" Shirley asked peering back into her bag.

"That's the one I refilled with Tic-Tacs."

"Gee, Hank, I really don't like the idea of all of this. What if something happens to pop?"

"Quit bein' such a baby, Dino." said Hank leaning up against one of the counters near the joy can.

"What about Shirley?" asked Dean a bit mockingly as he swung his feet from where he sat atop one of the counters a few feet from his brother.

"That's impossible!" Hank yelled as he became a bit hostel, "She's- She's got the power of the batman, Dean!"

Dean smiled feeling that for once he had the upper hand on his brother, "Sounds like, Hanky has a girlfriend."

"Aww, I ain't no wussy!"

* * *

"So, what now?" asked Shirley as she gazed around the vast white interior around them.

Venture stood a good distance away scratching his chin, "something should—." suddenly Venture felt something sprouting from his head and feeling his scalp he realized, "Holy crap, my hair!"

Shirley recoiled in terror and then doubled over falling to the floor. She groaned clutching her chest, "Ooow."

"What the fuck?" Venture watched as Shirley managed to sit up reveling her breast size had grown significantly larger.

Shirley looked down and first jumped to her feet in shock, but then smiled to herself proudly. The joy can really was working, she thought, but his couldn't be her deepest desire. Venture must have had the thing switched to shallow mode or something.

"Okay, so it knows our physical desires, but that hardly constitutes..."Venture trailed off or at least Shirley stopped listening. She was mesmerized at the sight of her boss with a large mass of red hair and found herself poking at it to make sure it was real.

"ouch! hey!?" Venture yelled noticing his intern had begun plucking out a few hairs, "Yes, this is what I look like with hair, okay? You don't see me me groping your new--."

"Sorry, it just – this is only, I mean it's just an illusion?"

"Yes, a virtual world if you will."

"So these are our deepest and utter most desires then?" asked Shirley with sarcasm poking at one of her enlarged breasts.

Venture sighed, "As much as I want a full head of hair, it's nothing a securely fastened tupee couldn't fix. And as for you, well--."

"I'm self conscious about my body, give me a fucking break."

"Well, I'm conscious of my naked scalp! But it's not what I want most out of life!" corrected Venture, "Now come on, I've got to fix this before the end of the night

* * *

"Wuss!"

"Stop it!"

"Wuss!"

"Stop it!"

"Wussy McWuss Wuss!"

"Shut up, Hank!"

"Boys, stop that!" yelled Venture as he and Shirley came out of the joy can smoke bellowing around them and their bodies back to their original being.

Hank gave Dean one last shove causing his brother to fall backwards. He turned to his father to greet him as Dean lay rubbing his forehead on the floor.

"Hey, pop! How'd it go?"

"Fine, fine. Still just a few more kinks to work out, but your old man's got the whole thing covered. Yep, NASA will be knocking on our door just begging for me to take their grants off their hands..."

"Why would NASA need--?" began Shirley, but Venture gave her a quick scowl before she could finish, "It's time for me to head home any way." Shirley picked up her purse and began to head for the exit. After she had past by Hank, however, the sixteen year old called out to her, "Hey, stay for dinner again!"

Shirley didn't bother turning around. She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes. The very thought of having to sit through another dinner with this family made her insides cringe.

"Yes, yes, stay for dinner again," Venture started to rant, but then realized he hadn't been taking advantage of the term free labor as much as he could have, "on second thought, Shirley, you will have to stay for dinner tonight."

"And why is that, Doctor?"

"Well, I already told you, this joy can needs to be done by tomorrow morning, and guess which lucky little intern gets to help?"


	5. Warm Milk

Chapter five: "Warm Milk."

Before Shirley had reached the age of seven she knew she wanted to be a scientist. She remembered once she had found her father's old collection of Dr. Strange and Doc Savage pulp fiction he had tried to hide under the mattress away from his wife. Of course why he kept them there after she left him was a mystery.

Shirley always liked Doc Savage the best. She never really could get into the adventures of Dr. Strange. She tried to embrace magic the way her family did, but it just never appealed to her. She didn't have any skills in the magical arts and tended to cut corners when trying to do anything. Her father was a well trained Necromancer and her uncle Byron was indeed the greatest of them all, but those shoes were too big to fill for anybody.

Instead Shirley spent her childhood sneaking Alchemy books and pulp fiction into her room at night; reading them under her covers with a flashlight. When she became older she discovered the bliss that was science. She never cared much for physics, but biology was most intriguing. At the tender age of 17 she broke the news to her father telling him she wanted to study Marine Biology. After her father regained consciousness he sent her to stay with his brother. He thought perhaps he of all people could convince her, but Byron Orpheus proved to be the only family member willing to provide any sort of support to the girl. He was shocked at the thought, but none the less found it somewhat "adorable" that his niece was so curious. As time went on, however, Orpheus realized it wasn't just a cute little game anymore; Shirley was serious.

At the time Orpheus was still happily married. His wife had yet to meet the young necromancer she would eventually run off with. Triana was still young; only eight. And universal peril had yet to become just a small chore to take care of in the morning and before dinner. The order of the triad was in full force fighting the forces of evil. Everything seemed fine with the Orpheus family until the day Shirley's father came to take her back home.

"You've received a letter from that university you applied to," her father stated blankly.

"And..."

"I didn't open it, Lemon cakes."

"Oh."

"I burned it."

"You what?" cried Shirley.

"Just kidding, dear,"laughed her father, "I ate it."

Of course it was nothing that a quick call to the university couldn't fix. Shirley was accepted and enrolled for her first quarter the next week. With a bit of help from her dear uncle Shirley persuaded her father to allow her one year at the university. After the first year she begged for another, but he turned the offer down. Without another word Shirley left home that night. Taking out as many loans as she could Shirley managed to stay in school and health insurance allowed for a hefty amount of mood stabilizers and anti-depressants to keep away the lack of motherly love.

Shirley had gone nearly four years without speaking to her father. She knew he wouldn't want to see her. No one in the family would.

"Shirley? Hello?" Venture waved his arms about to get the girl's attention, "Pass me the Orphan livers."

Shirley had snapped out of her daze and reached for the rusty old bucket containing varies harvested organs.

"How long have you been using these? I mean, unconventional materials like this?" asked Shirley handing Venture the bucket.

"A while, why? Is it disturbing to you or something?"

"Not anymore, really. Are you sure you wouldn't consider yourself a mad scientist?"

"Yes, stop asking!"

Silence fell over them as Venture began working again.

"I think I'm going to get some water." said Shirley standing to her feet.

"Well, while your in the kitchen get me a cup of coffee."

Shirley began to leave, but Venture continued his order, "and put a few spoons of sugar in it, will you? And some creamer, oh and some nutmeg. Wait, scratch the nutmeg..."

Shirley entered the kitchen cautiously. H.E.L.P.eR still hadn't forgiven her and if he found her in the kitchen he would more than likely try to start some trouble. Shirley poured herself a glass from the tap and turned on the coffee maker. She had already forgotten what Venture asked for, but figured if she placed a few crushed up Valium in his cup he'd be satisfied. Before Shirley could open the bottle however she heard a faint wailing noise coming from down the hall. She sat everything down and walked to the doorway. The cries seemed louder now and she could make out who she thought they belonged to. Stepping into the boys' room she could hear it even clearer; Dean was moaning in his sleep. He tossed and turned, the sheets bunched up and tangled around him.

"Dean?" Shirley tiptoed towards him, "Dean?" She nudged him a bit, but he still didn't wake up, "Dean, wake up, Dean!" With a few forceful shakes Dean jolted up.

"What? Where am I?" he turned to Shirley, "Mommy?"

"No, Dean, it's Shirley."

Dean stared at Shirley who had since taken a seat on his bed, "your not gonna bad touch me are you?"

"What? No! You were crying in your sleep and I wanted to make sure you were all right." explained Shirley.

"Oh, well, Brock or H.E.L.P.eR usually check on us at night."

"you mean your father never does?" asked Shirley.

"No," Dean looked downward at his hands, "he never tucked us in either or read us stories. Well, he tried to once when we were real little, but Hank's kind of hyper active and wouldn't stop jumping on his bed..."

"Hank! Stop it! Hank, get down from there!" a not quite bald Venture yelled at his eldest son.

A six year old Hank ignored his father and continued laughing as he jumped up and down.

"Hank, you said you wanted me to read to you boys and I'm taking time away from my work to do it, so sit down!"

"Listen to em' Hank." piped up Dean who covered half his face with his blanket.

"No way, Dean's the one that wanted you to read Jane Eyre!"

"Listen mister, I'll give you three seconds to--

"Weee!"

...and well, he creaked his head open. Pop was pretty mad and said that was it for story time. Hank had to start taking sleepy pills after that."

Shirley smiled out of pity. The two brothers had it rough, but neither of them knew it. Shirley almost felt bad for all her own self pity. At least Shirley knew her mother for a few years. Venture never even uttered a word about her to Hank and Dean. Not to mention Venture lacked heavily in the father figure area.

"You're not gonna tell pop I was having nightmares again, are you?" asked Dean.

"No, Dean, I won't."

"Good, cause i don't wanna have to do anymore of those dream tests. I have an allergic reaction to electric shock. That's what pop says."

"You want some milk, Dean?" Shirley stood up and smiled down at the youngest Venture.

"I can't have beverages after seven."

Shirley reached out for Dean's hand, "Just a little won't hurt. Trust me some warm milk will get you back to sleep."

Dean took Shirley's hand and the two wandered into the kitchen where Shirley microwaved Dean a nice glass of warm milk. Dean stared at it for a few seconds.

"Is it safe?"

"Of course, I mean your kidding, right? It's just warm is all."

Dean drank the whole glass feeling the warmth of it's tender molecules slide down his throat and into his belly, "Gee," he said handing the glass back to Shirley, "that was swell."

"Let's get you back to bed, all right?" Shirley sat the glass down and led a sleepy eyed Dean back to his room. Dean climbed into bed and pulled the covers over himself as Shirley started to shut the door.

"Um, we leave the door open." said Dean

"Oh, right." Shirley opened the door back up and allowed the yellowy glow of the hallway lights to filter through the room's entry way.

"Um, Shirley?"

"Hmm?"

"Could you tuck me in?"

Shirley started wondering if these boys were as old as they said they were or just retarded or something. Either way she felt obligated to fulfill Dean's request. It felt kind of nice being needed.

"Um, Shirley?" Dean asked again, "Could you read to me?"

This was getting odder than usual even for the Venture family, "Sure."

Dean sat up and looked under his bed. He pulled out a paper back book and handed it to Shirley. Shirley glanced at the cover, "Wuthering Heights?"

Dean nodded solemnly.

Shirley sighed and opened the book, "1801-I have just returned from a visit to my landlord - the solitary neighbor that I shall be troubled with..."

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Reading to your son."

"You've got to be kidding me," Venture sat down to take a long awaited break from the joy can, "Your lucky he grew out of that Bronte sister phase."

"Not quite, he had me read him the first four chapters of Wuthering Heights."

Venture gave a look of disgust at the thought then realized something was missing, "Hey, where's my coffee?"

"Shit, sorry, I was busy helping Dean get back to sleep and--."

"Well, I don't pay you to mother my children. God, I swear you're worthless! You can't fix robots, you can't function a walking eye, you can't even get me coffee...What else can't you do?"

Shirley opened her mouth to speak, but Venture raised a hand to silence her, "Just leave."

"But, it's 5:00 am. I have to be back here in like two hours." explained Shirley.

"Fine, sleep on the couch or something. Just leave me alone until 7:00. I have to get this joy can done and stupid little interns reading Emily Bronte to children in Spiderman pajamas don't really help much!"

Shirley didn't really know what to say to that. She nodded feeling a lump of failure forming in her stomach or maybe growing, it might have been there before hand. She left as Venture ordered and headed into the living room. To her dismay the couch was already occupied by Brock Samson so she had to take up board for the night in one of the guest rooms which of course was far more comfortable than an outdated sofa...

"Shirley? Lemon cakes?" Shirley started hearing a faint echo of her father's voice, "Lemon cakes?"

Shirley looked around to find she wasn't in the Venture compound anymore, but to her horror (both due to it's surreal and also cliché tone) she was standing in a large vast field at dusk. The orange sky streaked with white thin clouds up above her head. Gazing around she could see her father waving a hand for her to join him. She found herself running almost automatically towards him and surprisingly she was able to catch up to where he was standing (she thought for a second that he may have started to fade away like in so many other dreams she had had).

"Lemon cakes. Lemon cakes!" her father repeated in an overly dramatic soft whisper.

"Okay, I heard you the first time!" Shirley crossed her arms, "You know I always hated that nickname."

"Oh, but it's just so adorable!" her father repeated back to himself, "Lemon cakes."

"Stop it!"

"Sorry, it's just I want you to come home, dear."

"No."

"Why ever not?"

"You don't want me."

"Well, not really, but I mean with your mother gone it's so lonely and even your company would be a pick me up."

"God, you never even told me why she left."

"Oh, well, you were only three when she left us and--."

"I still remembered her!" cried Shirley, "I mean she was wonderful! Why would she leave us like that? God, I mean when i used to ask you about it you told me I never even had a mom. I thought I was going fucking crazy or something!"

"I wasn't going to tell you she died was I?"

"What? You mean you've been keeping that from me all this time? I thought I'd be able to find her one day. What the hell?"

"You're not going to cry are you?" asked her father, "I mean you could use my sleeve or something, I'd understand, I mean granted I'll have to wash it but, well, you know..."

"How could you?"

"I'd just throw it the washer, lemon cakes."

"No, I'm talking about mom!" yelled Shirley feeling her face turn pink.

"Oh, right, well you see she died in a rather unusual accident involving a panda and David Bowie. I was going to bring her back as a zombie and surprise you, but Bryon talked me out of it. I suppose it was for the better..."

a/n: flashbacks and dream sequences galore! Sorry for all that dialog at the end. That's all for now. Please Review! I don't even care if you flame...


	6. Rusty

Chapter six: "Rusty"

Shirley had only been asleep for ten minutes when she felt someone poking at her side. Turning over she could barely make out the shape of the figure leaning over her. Rubbing her eyes, Shirley could see clear enough to tell who it was: H.E.L.P.eR. The robot beeped frantically for her to get up.

"What is it? Is everything alright?" asked Shirley crawling out of bed and putting her shoes back on as best she could in the dark.

H.E.L.P.eR made a few noises that indicated that she needed to get to the lab as soon as possible, but Shirley hadn't quite learned to tell exactly what the robot was saying at all times. It all just sounded the same most of the time.

H.E.L.P.eR tried explaining again, but Shirley still wasn't getting it.

"Nobody's dead are they?"

H.E.L.P.eR exhaled a mechanical sigh and proceeded to lead her back to the lab. It was awkward between them for that three and half minutes it took to make it to their destination. Shirley didn't bother trying to start up any small talk with the robot. She was well aware he still was angry and was only fulfilling orders from Venture. If there ever was an emergency Shirley would be the last person H.E.L.P.eR would warn.

When the two made it to the lab they were both greeted by an unusually grinning Dr. Venture. He stood there his back straightened and his hands resting on his hips. He seemed accomplished; proud even.

"I finished it." he announced.

"Already?"

"Well, yes, I mean, there's probably a few bugs left, but, listen you'll have time for questions later," Venture dragged Shirley over to the joy can's entrance, "Now go on and be a good little intern." He attempted to shove Shirley into the machine, but she held on tight to the door frame.

"No, way! I'm not going back in there!"

"Come on, it's harmless!"

"No!"

Venture continued to push with all his might, but Shirley still refused to budge, "Get in there!"

"I'm not doing it alone!" demanded Shirley as Venture gave one last final shove sending both of them sailing into the joy can. Venture rubbed his cranium as he sat up. He glared over at Shirley who was busy dusting off her skirt.

"I hope you're happy now!"

"Well, we are in a joy can."

"Laugh now, little miss sassy pants, but that door doesn't open from the inside. And trust me that retard of a robot won't know how to get us out of here either!"

The room started to fade to white again. Both Venture and Shirley gazed round their surroundings in anticipation. Neither of them knew what was coming next.

"Guess I should have spent more time on it before we--."

Shirley spun around to face Venture, but he was gone. He had disappeared without a single trace. Shirley looked around, but he was nowhere in sight.

"Dr. Venture?"

"Mama?" a tiny voice came from below her.

Shirley looked downward to see a small boy wearing a ones-y and clutching a teddy bear. His blue eyes stared up at her through a mop of red hair and little freckles dotted his cheeks.

"Uh, no," Shirley tried to explain that the kid had it all wrong, "I'm--."

"Mama, it's me, Rusty."

Shirley covered her mouth. She couldn't help but laugh a bit, "Dr. Venture?"

Rusty stared at her with confusion, "huh?"

"Listen, I'm not your mom." explained Shirley, but this only seemed to make the kid burst into tears.

"W-w-why would you say that, m-mama?" sobbed little Rusty.

"Oh, god, I'm sorry, I--." Shirley looked around wondering if anyone else was there to help, but they were still alone. She ran to the door and tried to open it, but it was shut tight. She banged on it calling out to H.E.L.P.eR, "H.E.L.P.eR! H.E.L.P.eR! Open the door! Please! Or go get Brock, Dean, Hank, anybody!" Shirley glanced down to see her attire had morphed into a typical 1950's house wife dress, "Cute dress."

"Why are you acting so stwange, mommy?"

"Listen, Doctor, I don't know what the hell's going on here, but--."

Rusty's eyes began to well up with tears again. Shirley sighed and knelt down eye level to the young boy adventurer. She sat there staring back at him his eyes still filling up with salty sadness.

Shirley sighed again and rolled her eyes before she gazed back at Venture, "Come here." she said outstretching her arms, "tell me what's wrong...Rusty."

Rusty smiled wiping his eyes and crawled into his 'mother's' lap, "I had that bad dream again and..."

Shirley found herself drifting off. Rusty had snuggled up close to her and Shirley could feel the softness of his hair against her cheek and the gentle touch of his breath. Shirley couldn't help, but stroke the boy's hair and bring him closer to her breast. It was pathetic, but she felt a stream of tears run down her face. She honestly couldn't figure out what was coming over her. All the repressed longing for her own mother must have led to this: a yearning to be the mother she always wanted since she couldn't have hers back.

"Ah, Shirley...what's this? Shirley? What's wrong with our little Rusty?" asked a voice from in front of the two cuddling.

Shirley glanced up to see the late Dr. Jonas Venture standing before her. Her wide eyes stared up at his giant form towering over them.

"Haha, What's wrong Rusty?" asked the super scientist adventurer.

"Gee, pop, I just," Rusty started to cry again.

Jonas looked confused as he turned to Shirley.

"It's fine," Shirley assured him, "it was just another nightmare."

"Doc! Hey, doc, can you hear me in there?" Brock banged against the door of the joy can. He had just come to tell Venture that breakfast was ready, but then H.E.L.P.eR had explained what had gone wrong (blaming Shirley none the less).

"You think, pop's gonna be okay?" asked Dean scratching his eyes. Both him and his brother were still in their pajamas.

"Come on, Dino! That's pop we're talkin' about! He's one tough cookie!"

Rusty's eyes were welling up again as he held his teddy bear to his chest. Shirley tried her best to console him.

"See, every thing's okay, Rusty." smiled Shirley as she lifted him off her lap.

Rusty shook his head and flung his arms around her neck sobbing again, "No, mama! Don't leave me!" he wailed clutching to her tightly.

"There's gotta be another way in!" Hank sounded determined his fists clenched.

"No, Hank, you're father only--." Brock stopped short as Hank ran around the other side of the joy can to find another door.

"Dude!" He yelled, "It smells like Dr. O's poo back here!"

"Hank!" Brock called for him to come back, but Hank ignored him.

"Dude, what are are these? Aw, gross! Somebody's squishy parts are back here!"

Brock sighed, "Dean, go get your brother."

Dean ran around the corner, but stopped short and began to vomit.

"I'm not gonna leave you, okay?" Shirley returned the boy's embrace, he had crawled back into her lap and left his teddy bear abandoned on the floor, "It's all going to be alright, Rusty. I promise."

Brock threw himself at the door with all his might, but before his body could hit against the metal the door flung open. Brock caught himself in time only stumbling a few inches into the joy can. The room had gone back to the grayish tint it was before with lights blinking and tubes running in and out of its structure. Brock glanced around and his eyes fell on Shirley cuddling a grown and bald Rusty Venture who sat in her lap yet obviously far too big. Brock raised his eyebrow at the sight of a grown man sucking his thumb and clutching onto a woman half his age. Neither of them, however, seemed to realize the joy can was shut off.

Brock cleared his throat, "Uh, Doc?"

Venture opened his eyes and noticed what he was doing. Catching each other's eye Shirley and Venture exchanged disgusted expressions and scrambled away from each other.

"Oh, god...What did you two d—wait, I really don't want to know. Just get to the kitchen soon. Breakfast is ready." said Brock before leaving them to get the boys.

Venture looked back at Shirley still trying to sort out what had just happened, "We never speak a word of this again, understood?"

"Agreed."

a/n: yikes o:


End file.
